


Tattle tale

by Insecuriosity



Series: Misc. ideas and story blurbs [6]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: M/M, Medical Conditions, Medical confidentiality breach, Miko is nosy, Other, embarrassing stories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:36:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7962703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insecuriosity/pseuds/Insecuriosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a slow day in the Autobot base, Miko decides that she wants to know what is on Knock Out's medical datapad. </p><p>Who knew that boring uninteresting notes could lead to some more personal stories regarding the crew of the Nemesis?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tattle tale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Harutemu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harutemu/gifts).



Knock Out stared at the screen of his datapad, and tried to keep his optics on the glyphs instead of the organic girl milling around on the table near him. Ratchet was ignoring her as well, and more effectively to boot - though maybe that was because he was not the focus of her annoying piercing little gaze. Mika or Meko or whatever, had been staring at him nearly half the day, and it was getting really annoying to read and not remember a word of what he'd read. So he lowered the datapad and sent his sickliest smile her way.

“What.” 

“Oh, nothin'.... What're you reading?” 

“Notes.”

“Whaaat kind of notes?”

“Scientific notes.”

“.... Can I see?”

Knock Out sighed exasperatedly. “Can you read Cybertronian?”

“Nope- but you will read to me right?” 

“No. No I won't.”

The human scrunched up her face and her eyes shot to the other Cybertronian in the room. “Hey, Ratcheeet~ can you read a datapad for me?”

“No Miko. I am busy.”

“Pleasseee?”

“No.”

“Pleeeeeasee?”

“... Knock Out, you're not doing anything useful are you?”

“Well, I was-”

“Read a datapad to Miko.”

Knock Out glared at Ratchet's backplates. The little glitch of a human turned to him with a victorious smile that made him want to smack her into a pulp, but instead he kept his smile on and lifted his datapad again. Better get it over with. 

“Just ONE page...”

She would be bored with its contents soon enough. The datapad he had been looking through was his old notepad from when he was with the Decepticons. Things could get so cluttered, and after Breakdown was gone it was impossible to keep track of everything- so he had put some effort into keeping a notepad. Mostly stuff he needed to remember or fix or purchase.

“Replace energon-lines on medical berth- Starscream broke those after Megatron beat him into a pulp. Casual check-up on laserbeak, clean out infected energon dispenser, get stuff for Starscream's rash-”

“Whoa Starscream has a RASH?” The girl interrupted him, and she laughed. “Where! How do cybertronians even get rashes?”  
Oh Primus, this topic. Knock Out uncomfortably glanced at Ratchet, but the autobot looked very busy - probably on purpose. 

“Ah- well, it depends on... who you interface with.”

“Interf- You mean robo-sex?! You guys can get STD's?”

Knock Out shook his head hurriedly. “No! You-! Interfacing is nothing like what you flesh-lumps do to multiply! Let alone that we catch the same diseases! When a mech goes at it... 'too hard', their paint is scratched off their chassis. If it goes too far the protective layer can deteriorate and expose the underlying metal that is prone to rashes. Rust rash. Is that enough explaining now?”

He had a sinking feeling that the girl hadn't even been listening by the way she was laughing. “ 'm sorry I'm sorry- I just.... really? That's... that's actually a thing that happens?”

Knock Out rolled his eyes. “It's barely the worst thing that can happen. I know for a fact that humans can get sore too after... copulating. It's nothing compared to the other problems a Cybertronian can have.”

The girl got a devious smirk, and she leaned forward until her organic limbs could almost touch his arm. “What kind of things did the Decepticons come to the medbay with, huh Knocky? Give me the juicy stuff!”   
Knock Out couldn't help but flinch in reluctance. His patients would not be happy if they ever found out that he'd told their embarrassing secrets to a fleshbag. Then again.... Most of his older patients were dead anyway, and he had never really taken that vow of patient confidentiality seriously. And some of these stories were really too good to keep to himself.

“Well, first off. It's … kind of difficult to find decent entertainment on the Nemesis. Barely any games, shows or tv programs were allowed, so most mechs spent their free time interfacing. I think nearly one fourth of all patients in my medbay came in with an interface related problem.”  
The girl was holding back her laughter, and waved for him to go on.

“So... there was Soundwave.” Knock Out was nervous beyond belief, but laughter was bubbling up at the same time. He'd shared this story before, with Breakdown. That mech could keep his mouth shut, proven by the fact that SOundwave had not come in to murder Knock Out in his recharge.   
“I always figured he was too stuck-up to go and get himself a berth partner, and on one day I turned out to be right. It was late and I was recharging like everyone else on the ship when he suddenly stood in my medbay. He'd been self-servicing. With his tentacles. And they got stuck inside of him.”

He could still see it in his minds eye, the tall form of Soundwave, sans laserbeak, slightly hunched in the middle of a dark medbay, with a pair of tentacles going straight into his own valve. And then that bland voice;  
 _“Assistance required. Secrecy ordered.”_

He had been too shocked to laugh, but that had come later- when Soundwave was at a safe distance from him.  
“He'd gotten the tips of his tentacles tangled with some wiring- in that place of the valve that shouldn't be accessed during interface- and I had to untangle them. I'll be forever grateful that he decided to spare the both of us and chose a small surgery over the manual disentanglement. He was out of the medbay nearly as soon as I was done.”

Miko looked contemplative. “Isn't Soundwave a guy? Yanno, a mech?”

Ratchet answered before Knock Out could.“Both femmes and mechs usually have a complete interface set. Good thing too, or our race would be doomed anyway. I know of no femmes besides Arcee and Arachnid.”

“Whoa! So.. so technically you and Knocky could have babies?! Little robot babies?!”

Ratchet turned back to his work. “I am not going to answer that Miko. Go play somewhere else!”

“No- wait. C'mon, Knock Out, got any more stories?”

He had hundreds of em, thousands. Most of them weren't that amusing unless you knew a bit about cybertronian bodies and the mechs involved... Oh, but he had one story. He hesitated. Megatron would never know. Knock Out looked at the girl, and at the autobot who was quietly repairing one of the medbay tools. He was an autobot now, wasn't he? He could gossip about his former lord. No harm done.

“Megatron. Megatron broke his spike once.” There. It was out. He pressed his lips together tightly, and Ratchet abruptly stopped working. The girl looked confused.

“His spike? What's that supposed t-.... oh!” She held a hand over her mouth.

“Yes. He broke his spike during an... intense interface. He killed the bot he was topping after it happened, and pretty much everybody that saw him in that state except for me- because I had to fix it. He might've killed me too if I hadn't told him it could break again if I wasn't nearby to 'monitor its recovery'.” The girl was laughing in short horrified bursts, and Ratchet was looking over his shoulder with a mix of horror and humour on his faceplate.

“Megatron broke his spike?...” Miko looked to be in awe, even as she laughed between words.

Knock Out nodded. “I swear to Primus- he was mere kliks away from dislocating his jaws by how hard he was clenching his dentae. If it'd been anyone else but Megatron they would be screaming. I had to fix it- most awkward and dangerous moment in my life. I had my hands on the spike of one of the most dangerous mechs in the universe! In a non-inteface way.”  
“And you lived?”

“He had his canon ready to fire at my helm- point blank. It kind of helped- I would have laughed otherwise. There were quite a lot of dead vehicons being delivered to the medbay. I believe he had Soundwave delete any files from that day, mostly because he ran to the medbay with his shame all visible to the world. Not like anyone who saw it lived to tell the tale. Besides me.” 

“Wow.” The human girl looked at him with wide eyes, and then turned to Ratchet. “You got any stories like that Ratchet?! I bet you do! What kind of embarrassing things happened to Bulk? Ooh! Or Arcee?”

Ratchet puffed up like an angry organic housepet and grouched; “I for one have made a vow of confidentiality! I keep the secrets of my patients- unlike some mechs I know!”

Knock Out picked his old datapad up again, and the girl groaned in disappointment. Story time was over for today, but he had no doubt that the humans would come bugging him for more stories. He still had a few good stories left in his memory bank...

**Author's Note:**

> I had this lying around from some time ago, and decided it would be fun to post.


End file.
